today

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Soufflé means I love you. 

If I cook something French, it's serious.

You're in my heart. Forever. 

​For the record, I like the man sitting beside Alyssa too. 

Partnering with a woman like her—you're golden, Ryan. 

***

I've never met her parents. It's in the works.

First thing I want to do is hug them. Tell them they raised a beautiful human. Gold star.

I've had the benefit of the love they imparted. 

***

At Christmas last year, she turned up at my door with Guyanese Pepper Pot.

First bite: Time stops. The world drops away. Marvel rises in me. My blue eyes well up.

​Gelatinous oxtail. Black velvet sauce. The flavour of cassareep.

Tastes new, and ancient.

Left an imprint on me. A linocut.

Alyssa cooks like an angel. 

Spending time with her in the kitchen is a dream. 

I want her to cook my last meal. No input.

***

She offered me a cabin on Wasan Island last summer. To write. 

In paradise.

The meals and laughter. Stars in the night sky from the hot tub. Saunas.

At my desk in a wet bathing suit.

The hush.

Sleeping in a cedar-lined room. Soft night rain. 

Bonfire in the tower.

Impromptu dinners in my kitchen with Gerry and Scott. The conversations.

Talking cookbooks with Blake. His quiet, gentle spirit. His cooking too.

Skinny dipping with Eleanor and Sarah. Like when I was a teenager.
​
***

My whole life, I'd been afraid of deep water.
​
Learned to swim when I got sober. Friday night lessons instead of drinking.

Doing lengths to exhaust the craving.

The fear is gone. I don't know how, but it left. 

I waded into the shimmering lake—sparkles flittering on the surface—and felt calm and safe. 

Swam around the island. More than once.

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***
​
Alyssa is a community builder. For herself first. 

She wears the world like a loose robe.

Her spirit is generous. She's got grace. In spades.

An old soul. Wise beyond her years. 

A diamond.

***

Some students came to teach me. 

​***
​
I didn't know which song to choose. I kept going back and forth. 

Then I knew why I couldn't make up my mind. Because there were two songs for Alyssa.

​Released a year apart.

​Beautiful and different.

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2018

2019