today

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Two years old. Can you believe it was taken on Christmas? I look straight out of The Shining. Obviously, I'd missed a nap or, worse, a meal. I want to know who was behind the camera — my dad, mom, or maybe my grandmother Theo. Bet it was the last person on the list.  

But the bangs and the teal velvet dress with the fox and raccoon embroidery are sweet. And look at that deluxe buggy. A few months later, I went on a real dangerous walkabout with it — a hair-raising experience for my parents. 

I'm still that bitch (and old enough to know everyone has it in them). I trust most parents have seen something similar in their young children.

Those ponytails were so tight when my mom took them out, and my scalp relaxed, it felt like undoing the zipper on too-tight pants after a holiday dinner.  

***

In the season of infinite pressures, mental health is everything. Tend to yourself.

Movies in the theatre are where I find refuge. When the lights go down, the world drops away. Bliss. Watching movies at home is just okay. A late afternoon matinee is good for my spirit. At that time of day, getting choice seats requires no plan. I saw All the Beauty and Bloodshed and Aftersun this week. Both were brilliant and troubling. I'm game for a mob film or some James Bond too. I'll see more movies before the year's over. When I'm on my own on the 25th, I usually go. It is busy and fun (without the christians). 

If at anytime during the holidays you feel like how I look in that photo, it is normal.

***

I was taking all this week's smoke breaks on Friday morning at Dear Grains Bread on Geary Ave — real leisurely-like. I love their onion scones, pan loaf sourdough, and cortados. This song was playing, and a few of us around the counter were quietly grooving. If a disco ball had dropped, we might have put our backs into it. I asked about the song and then listened to it, walking back to work. 

Get up and dance...in your bathrobe...grab the person near you. 

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​2020