DEBORAH REID WRITER & CHEF
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Picture

today

10/7/2022

 
Picture

Harry was soft.

With me. 

He knew. About the dark stuff.

He's the one who taught me.

When a man drops his guard. Gets soft. It's delicious.

***

Of course, he worked on lake boats. I've heard stories.

A young drunken sailor came onboard mouthing off after a trip to town. Harry laid him flat. One-shot. 

Below decks, there are transients. Chief engineer's the overseer.

***

My father was locked down. It happened long before I came along.

I think I know why.

He built the fortress. For maximum protection. 

Used booze and food.

To shield his heart.

Commit a slow suicide. 

A long fucking ride. 

For his stone-cold sober daughter.

***

Chuck loved Harry too.

You know when you get asked the question, "What's your favourite meal?"

Here's one of mine:

Sitting at the foot of Harry's bed. St. Catherine's General Hospital.

My dad feeding him lunch. 

They're talking. Friendly and loving.

My heart. Like a dandelion puffball. 

The last time I saw Harry.

***

Visiting the townhouse in Fonthill after he passed.

​His cane in the corner. By the front door.

Left without it. 

Me. A million glassy shards.

***

The chef I worked for didn't want me to go to Harry's funeral.

Out in the back alley negotiating the terms. Of my absence.

Me finally growing a backbone. Pushing back. 

His second concession: Drive three hours back from Welland after the service. Alone.

Family coming in from all over North America. People I love. Hadn't been with some of them in years.

I went. Came back the next day. Too fucking soon.

The restaurant owner said to me after:

"I didn't realize you were close to your grandfather."

***

Anyways, forgive me if I idealize Harry.

It's just I can't imagine my life without him. 

***

There he is rocking the rose-coloured caftan.

All the men in my family wore them.

***

Moonlight so right
Softening upon the shore
All that was will be no more

It's a misty morning, misty morning, misty morning rain
All is gone, then here, then gone, then here, then gone again
​
Here and gone again
Here and gone again
Here and gone again

2020


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