today

---

Outstanding apologies.

Have you had that experience?

Maybe it's me.

Who owes you.
 
***

It's complicated. 

Working through it. Letting go.

Of expectation. 

***

I carried an apology for 28 years. 

It's a fasten your seat belt story. 

I want to tell it. To a room of people I know will understand. And love me, still.

I worked on it again in 2021. For the hundredth time.  

Finally. Found freedom.
 
Long-term sobriety. Good guidance. Got me there. 

Willingness too.

It's hard to find accurate words for gratitude.

I'd sometimes get up with the summer birds in Stratford and cycle back country roads alone.

Azure sky. Gold lame sun. Green corn. White felt clouds. Black liquorice road.

Well-being.

It felt like that.

***
 
What took so long? 
 
Forgiving myself.

First.

Fuck. 
 
***

Breaking patterns. Takes muscle. And time.

Like wrestling in a hot room.

Accepting the lesson. Seeing the importance. 

Aiming for humility. Missing it. Sometimes.

***
 
I don’t apologize for stuff that’s not mine. 

​That's a bad habit.

All people. Every human on the planet.

​Has used furniture in their backyard. 

And the right to own or ignore it.

***
​
A good story. With one side?

No.

***

"All people are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong."

***

I know I can be colorful, I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
I know you will love me either way

---

2022

2018

2001