today

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Dear Lila, Esther, Jonathan, Heather, Karen, Rabia, Pim, Karen, Nictoria, Sonja, Lindsey, Ron:
 
These are my new glasses. The ones you bought me.
 
They mean a great deal to me.
 
I want to tell you about that.
 
***
 
I went on social assistance in November 2021. 
 
The insecurity was awful. I felt so scared.
 
Acceptance was hard.

I'm not seeking pity. I want to be seen by anyone who is struggling.
 
Because I'm not alone.
 
***
 
There were benefits. Access to health stuff. 

I don't know when I stopped seeing out of my old glasses.
 
It had been a while. 
 
I received a voucher to get new glasses.
 
The thought of an eye exam lifted my spirit. I went on a Friday. 
 
My blue eyes welled up when the optometrist dropped the correct lens down.
 
It was like looking through clean windows.
 
***
 
I went to the rack and found frames I loved.
 
I had them for about three weeks when I went for a long walk. On a Monday night.
And lost them. 

I was so distraught. I cried so hard. 
 
Something inside me broke. 
 
It felt like good had been given to me. And then taken away.
 
***
 
You saw my distress on Twitter.
 
Within hours I had double the voucher funds. 
 
I tried to reorder the same glasses.
 
But the discount rack is 'the lasts.' There was a similar pair, but the frame was smaller and didn't look right.
 
I left the store. Managing my disappointment.
 
I was going to leave it for a few days. 
 
***
 
On the way home from the grocery store, I stopped at an optometrist.
 
I showed the woman a photo of me in the glasses. She came back with these frames. First pair. 

They cost more. 

I put them on. Power. Restored.
 
You gave me that. 
 
***

I'm working to cross the bridge back to security. Like countless others. 

Someday I hope to pay it forward.

***
 
This is to say thank you.

For the glasses.
 
For seeing my distress.

For holding me in your thoughts. 

For sending care.

For being generous and kind.

​For softening my heart.
​
***

Everyone is afraid of losing
Even the ones that always win
Hey sleepwalker, when the mountain comes back to life
It doesn't come from without
It comes from within

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2021