today

---

I do not look this adorable IRL. Okay, the eyes are accurate. You might have seen her in a text if you're on my near friend list. 

***

Affairs. That's what I liked with your father, husband, boyfriend, partner, and older brother. They look delicious in French movies with a morning croissant.

I gave them up. It was hard. I am not a puritan. This is not a pitch for monogamy.

But keeping secrets just about took me out. You can guess what saved me. After all this time, I still don't want to go back. They were relationships deeply mixed up with drinking. The last affair took me, first class, into recovery. 
​
No judgement. You have to handcraft your life. Lessons are yours to learn. 

There have been temptations over the years. In one case a long time ago, I waved my fist toward the sky and asked, why? Character building. Or so I'm told.

***

I've revealed a lot about myself. And I'm going to tell you more. 

First, I'm not looking to fall off a cliff. I'm writing and have good work and friends. This is one of my too many dreams. I'm grown-up enough to accept if it doesn't happen. There will be a party at my favourite restaurant no matter the outcome.

***

I want to get married.

Before I wave farewell to this world. Throw my final fistful of confetti. I've been single for the better part of 60 years. That red flag is like the size that hangs at the Mall of America. You can see it for miles in the long lineup of cars. Not on my own the whole time. But...still...pretty...independent.

Have you been on dating apps lately? I'm a unique model to sell. 

I laugh a little when I see "I can cook" in a man's dating profile. How to introduce my credentials. I know my way around restaurants. Swipe left if that's intimidating.

I'd like a man who's quick with a dishtowel like my grandfather, Harry. Looking hot hammering wood or pushing a lawnmower in grubby work clothes. I can do those things, too. Also, I hope he likes movies in theatres. Foreign films included. I once went on a first date with a man who sat through a Spanish film with subtitles that was more than two hours long. He liked holding my hand in the dark. 

Curious...a good listener...smart…good character…someone who can make me LAUGH. All the better if he looks like Idris Elba, Daniel Craig, Bill Nighy, Dave Grohl, or Nick Offerman and talks like Trevor Noah or Sam Fragosa. Do you want to laugh more? Watch this BBC One Comic Relief clip with Daniel Craig and Catherine Tate. It's about dating. Thank me later.

I require some care. And can return it. If interested, please send a photo of you doing the dishes. ​Operators are standing by.

***

On the subject of dating,  this CBC and BBC podcast on catfishing, Love, Janessa, is terrific. Ditto for this BBC podcast about the hazards of love bombing. 

Loneliness is a treacherous companion.

***

That exquisite first note — is it an A major? I never learned to read music.

​I smiled every time I played this song while writing. blushing

A Night at the Opera and A Day at the Races came out when I was 12 going on 13, in 1975 and '76. We'd never heard anything like it. Absolute magic. Dear Freddy Mercury. A peerless showman. His gorgeous talent in the concert footage from Montreal. What a polite Canadian crowd.

---

1976

1981 - Montreal